Smash and Grab - West Ham 0 - Tottenham Hotspur 1

The Premier League recommenced with a mouth watering tie at Upton Park, as the two London rivals met in front of a sell out crowd at the Boleyn Ground. 

Typically, there had been much unrest in East London in the run up to the new season. Despite six summer signings and manager Sam Allardyce smashing the club’s transfer record, many sections of the Hammer’s faithful remained unhappy. Pre-season had hardly been a success and there seemed no evidence of the attacking football Allardyce had been politely told to play by his employers. I reminded myself that Rome was not built in a day and made the trip to Upton Park full of high hopes for the current campaign. 

The game started brightly, in particular for the visitors who had in the most part been worryingly quiet in pre season. It was clear Pochettino’s mantra of close, concise play had been instilled and as a result, West Ham enjoyed very little time on the ball. That being said there were glimmers of hope. New singings Aaron Cresswell and Cheikhou Kouyate looked impressive and there appeared to be a new resilience and in my eyes at least, an attempt to play the ball on the ground in an attacking style. 

We more than matched the visitors in the opening exchanges but in all honesty there was very little to write home about in the first half. So much so, I got carried away watching events in one of the boxes. A group of lads draped a Lazio flag from the box. Security, came twice to ensure it was moved cue vociferous chants of ‘Viva Lazio’ from the Alpari Lower and Trevor Brooking. It was replaced with a picture of a walrus and the words ‘BFS we love you.’ Far more to Security’s liking. 

It appears I was not the only one who was slightly underwhelmed by the football as a lively supporter made his way on to the pitch and after running the full length of it, stopped to take a shot with the match ball. This was potentially the first shot of target and sparked the crowd into life as he left rotund security guards in his wake before being wrestled to the ground and dismissed. 

West Ham continued to pressure the Tottenham box and from a corner, the ball landed at Kevin Nolan’s feet who hit the ball goalward. Kyle Naughton raised his arms and after much remonstration by the home team and deliberation from the officials, a penalty kick was awarded. Naughton’s block was deemed to be deliberate and he was in turn given his marching orders. 

Celebrations were wild, the crowd erupted into ‘it’s happening again’ because Mark Noble doesn’t miss penalties. Until now. The ball skewed wide of the left hand post and Tottenham were handed a new lifeline. Still 11 played 10 and West Ham were certainly in the ascendancy. 

The second half started again with pressure from the home side. There was an attempt to pass and keep the ball, more than I saw at any stage last season. However, the luck was not on our side and the likes of Stewart Downing and Carlton Cole huffed and puffed but sadly to no avail. Tottenham did continue to threaten on the break and with the arrival of Lewis Holtby and Andros Townsend, the pace of the threat augmented. 

James Collins was booked for a cynical challenge, which stopped a Tottenham attack and not long after with Adebayor in a fairly innocuous position, he decided to aggressively barge the forward to the ground and referee Chris Foy correctly sent him off. 

Alarm bells begun to ring around the stadium as Tottenham’s belief rose their chances grew. 

Bentaleb forced a diving save from fan favourite Adrian and the West Ham defence begun to look shakier as time wore on. 

Allardyce introduced Guy Demel for Joey O’Brien, presumably for a niggle of some description. Mo Diame appeared in place of the ineffective Vaz Te but the greatest applause was saved for new signing Enner Valencia who arrived in place of beleaguered Carlton Cole. 

Valencia looked lively from the off and chased balls that Carlton wouldn’t have even jogged for, winning West Ham an unlikely corner in the process. The game ebbed and flowed, both sides threatened, but in the 94th minute, Tottenham broke and Erik Deer on debut was put through on goal, rounded the keeper and placed the ball perfectly into Adrian’s net. 

As the away fans went wild, the home ones left in their droves, just in time to see a Spurs fan, who had clearly overexcited himself, being removed by the stewards. Smiling and inciting the Trevor Brooking Lower during his exit, events certainly took a darker turn, most certainly for the female security guard tasked with restraining a large handful of East London’s finest at melting point. 

Back to the football and despite the disappointment of the result, West Ham played rather well in my opinion. Downing, Cole and Vaz Te were decidedly poor yet despite this, had the ever reliable Mark Noble converted, I think we would have won comfortably. No-one in the ground would have wanted to score more than he, so it was heartwarming to hear chants of Mark Noble straight after the miss. 

Kouyate looks like a fantastic player, big strong and playing for the shirt. Tin minutes of Valencia was not enough but again he looks like a handful. Cresswell did well and surprisingly Nolan put in a very good shift. Rumours abound that he returned to pre-season fitter than ever, perhaps worrying about his place in the side? This can only be a good thing. 

Ravel Morrison is back in training too and Diame looked tricky when he came on, so I am afraid I am not jumping on the Sam out bandwagon just yet. It’s Crystal Palace next week and if the football gods are evening scores like it felt today, it surely has to be an away win for the Hammers. 

Adrian 6

O’ Brien 6

Reid 7

Collins 4

Cresswell 7

Kouyate 9

Noble 7

Nolan 7

Vaz Te 5

Downing 6

Cole 4 

Demel 6

Diame 7

Valencia 7

Bad leadership is better than no leadership - West Ham 0 - 0 Sunderland

The West Ham faithful sat through yet another stalemate at Upton Park, as Sunderland will rue missed opportunities to win the game.
Well, that is the last time I will be making any predictions before a West Ham United game. I was that confident, I put them in my acca, breaking one of my many gambling rules of fun. Don't back West Ham, or any team that is so woeful in front of goal for that matter. 
It all started so well, with the Man City and Arsenal goalfest, followed by some relatively pleasing team news from Big Sam. I think he picked the best team he had at his disposal, with Tomkins passing a late fitness test and Joe Cole coming into the starting line up. Nolan was suspended (a blessing in disguise I thought) so Ravel came back in and lined up with Jarvis, Noble and Diame to make up the midfield. Maiga kept his place up top after a fairly decent performance against Liverpool last week. 
This was touted as a 'must win' for both teams, yet I suppose being brutally honest, Sunderland needed it more than us. This was indeed evident by the way they started and kept up the relentless pace of the game. The Sunderland midfield hurried us off the ball and did not let us create any real chances of note. This was mirrored by Andre Marriner's shockingly poor refereeing decisions, leaving us with little to no chances in the first half with fans and players extremely frustrated. 
An example of Marriner's ineptitude came in the first half when West Ham had a free kick that big Ginger James Collins was lining up to boom into the box. Jozy Altidore, crept forward as a one man wall, causing Marriner to blow up and rightfully usher him back. He promptly ignored the ref's requests only to shuffle ever closer to the dead ball, much to the crowd's disgust. Altidore looked at the ref, the ref shrugged his shoulders before ushering Collins to get on with it, at which point Altidore leapt forward and at the point of contact was literally two yards from the dead ball. To add further insult to injury, the ball cannoned off the striker's right bum cheek and towards the West Ham half. Altidore, waiting for the referee's whistle and ensuing card/free kick, hears the golden sound of silence and finds himself through on goal and bearing down on Jussi. Due to being apoplectic with rage, I didn't see what happened, but he clearly didn't score. This most certainly would have been for the best as I daresay he would have had a few hundred West Ham fans wanting to send the boys 'round if he had.  
Sunderland continued to press hard and Jussi tipped a rifling effort onto the bar at the end of the half and West Ham continued to look, like headless, leaderless chickens.  
The second half started, subs came and went, they were all pretty useless and we continued to get played off the park by bottom of the pile Sunderland. Nerves were a jangle and the crowd remained quiet until the final 25 minutes or so where we tried fruitlessly to inspire this desperately misfiring team. It was to no avail and the game ended in a horrible 0-0 and Sunderland will quite honestly feel very hard done by. They had 59% of the possession and 19 shots on goal. Luckily we had a keeper who had one of his better games.  
My favourite part of the game was when Jack Collison came out for a cheeky little warm up at the start of the second half. He was eating a banana and managed to stretch, applaud the crowd and take a chunk of the fruit simultaneously, without a second thought. It was mightily impressive to say the least and I only wonder if he could transform these multi-tasking skills onto the pitch we might be onto something. Imagine a West Ham player who could run, look up and shoot at the same time, eh?  
I think Noble had his worst game so far this season. Jarvis was equally very poor. Maiga has the ability to jump really, really high. Like he seems to hang in the air for what seems like an age before ultimately missing the ball and bottling out of the subsequent tackle. Ravel ran around and around and around the opposition penalty box, either too frightened or too lazy to pull the trigger. James Collins continues to amaze me how he plays Premier League football, he literally offers nothing. His free-kicks are usually over hit and inaccurate and gone are the day of his aerial threat. At the death, he had a chance to win it with a clear header but the ball glanced off the side of his big ginger bonce and dribbled out for a goal kick, a beautiful and poignant metaphor for West Ham's general attacking threat at present. 
It was the first time I have been bored at West Ham this season, there really was nothing to shout about at all. We keep banging on about the striker situation but it's the least of our worries. The team have no belief and no drive at the moment which is a massive concern in a relegation scrap. I actually missed Nolan for a brief moment in the game, which goes to show what sort of a state we are in. 
I would not have been surprised to see the back of Big Sam this morning after such a feeble display at home. Also, I thought his post-match comments were laughable and embarrassing, praising the point and the clean sheet, bemoaning the fact that we needed 'just 1 goal in eight of the games' etc. etc. I wonder if Pellegrini sets his side up to think 'just one goal, that's all we need today.' It's farcical really, but hey ho this is West Ham United, where anything can happen.
Even before the game, Sullivan came out having a little whinge about Andy Carroll and his injury. Apparently he would not have signed him if he'd have known he would not have played so far this season. In other news, the publishing firms that rejected Harry Potter wished they had have given it another read and people are quite sad that Nelson Mandela died too. I mean really, what is the point? I wish our owners could keep their mouths shut at times and let the football (for better or worse) do the talking. 
Or at least spend some time thinking whether Big Sam is indeed still the man, from where I am looking, the players and fans seem to have lost faith. But these are owners who like to stand by their man, just like they did with Uncle Avram. We can only hope there is not the same result at the end of the season.
This week we go away to manager-less Spurs before a trip up north to the champions, Manchester United. That is followed by the visit of Arsenal on Boxing Day. This fan is a little anxious to say the least.   


Jussi 7*

Man of the match - kept us in the game
Demel 6
A solid game
Tomkins 7
Fights solidly for the cause - came bursting out of defence with some good runs
Collins 5
A bit of a liability for me
McCartney 5
Did northing of note - poor crossing
Noble 4
Looked a bit lost today
Diame 6
We are completely reliant on his bullocking runs
Joe Cole 5 
Without my rose-tinted JC specs on, nothing really of note today
Jarvis 4
Very, very poor
Morrison 5
Doesn't know what to do with the ball when he has it
Maiga 5
Tries hard - fails miserably

Crystal Palace 1 - 0 West Ham United

It was back down to earth with a terrifying thump for West Ham fans as they suffered their eighth defeat of the campaign so far.
Carlton Cole got his first start of the season in a straight swap for the much improved Maiga. Ravel Morrison came into the starting line up in place of Matt Jarvis, with Mo Diame keeping his place in the Iron's midfield.
A thunderous atmosphere saw the home side start brightly without creating a multitude of chances. West Ham weathered the inevitable storm, before beginning to get a foothold in the game, dominating possession and creating useful chances. It was a typical London derby, with lots of scrapping and balls being fought for and it really was a case of who wanted it more. That did look like West Ham for the most part of the first half, with Diame going close with a header over the bar and Nolan once again, tapping the ball into the arms of the keeper Speroni, following a cute Mark Noble free kick.
It was a West Ham error that earned Crystal Palace a corner which was well executed by Barry Bannan but cleared by the West Ham defence. The ball fell nicely again to the corner taker, who whipped in a magnificent cross to leave the West Ham defence wrong-footed. Add a deft Morouane Chamakh touch and it was 1-0 Palace with Kevin Nolan and Mark Noble left flailing hopelessly as the ball trickled past them and into the net.
It was a hammer blow (no pun intended) for a team which dominated possession in the first half however only managed one chance on target; the story of our season.
The second half began and despite a lot of huff and puff from the West Ham attack there was little final product as the Hammers flattered to deceive. Big Sam had seen enough of a lacklustre performance by Carlton Cole and another vital miss from Nolan and pulled them off in favour of Maiga and Joe Cole. The pace of the game was difficult for Cole to keep up with but he hassled well, while Maiga didn't really have many chances in front of goal. In fact, it was Crystal Palace on the break who looked the more threatening and managed to create some chances which should have killed the game off. Cameron Jerome clean through on goal saw his shot well saved by the diving Jussi and Jimmy Kebe netted, only to be ruled offside.
The major talking point of the game came from a West Ham corner where from Chamakh's clearance the ball fell to Downing who rifled the ball into Speroni's net only for Tomkins to have been judged offside in the process. A bizarre decision, where upon replay it appeared that Tomkins had been fouled and indeed West Ham could have had a penalty.
West Ham continued to knock on the door with no real force and found themselves wanting once again in the attacking department. Downing had a free kick saved low to his left by Speroni, but Palace's dogged defending and closing down kept West Ham at bay. Our attacks lacked any pace at all and as such our continuous attempts to pass through them fell flat on their face. 
Big Sam will rue the disallowed goal, however we should have at least have had a goal in the first half, in particular Kevin Nolan's woeful strike, which would have made the second half far more interesting. I wouldn't mind except this is the third time I have seen Nolan attempt a volley this season, through on goal, to no avail. Luckily against Spurs and Fulham it didn't matter. 
Full credit, to a Palace side invigorated by the appointment of Pulis. They played their socks off and gave our playmakers (ahem) no time on the ball. In addition to this, the noise and atmosphere truly was something to behold at Selhurst Park. They refuse to lie down and I dare say there could be some interesting twists before the end of the season. 
A very tough run of fixtures follow before the mercy of the transfer window. Initial talk is of Andy Carroll being back for the West Brom game on the 28th December, but I shall hold my breath on this one. If we can somehow snaffle 5-6 points in December, hopefully the new year will bring some fresh legs and momentum to what has been a disappointing season so far.  

West Ham United 0 - 3 Chelsea

A toothless and lacklustre display ensured the Hammers were well beaten by their West London rivals at Upton Park.

Having never been to this fixture before, I was excited to say the least. I assumed there would be nothing less than a gutsy performance, matched with an electric atmosphere-neither of these materialised. Chelsea were impressive in patches but it was the Irons who carved out the better opportunities in the opening minutes. West Ham continued to pass the ball well and found a couple of openings through Stewart Downing on the left hand side to no avail.

            Frank Lampard as always, found himself the butt of the home-faithful jokes and right in the centre of the action. It was he who had the last laugh in the 21st minute, when Guy Demel fluffed a backpass to the helpless Jaaskalienen, the veteran keeper had no opportunity to come rushing out to heed the danger. Sadly his 38-year old legs were not as nimble as those of Oscar’s for the Blues and the West Ham keeper sent him tumbling for an undisputable Chelsea penalty.

            Up steps East London’s not-so favourite son to fire into the roof of the net and put Chelsea 1-0 up. Cue OTT celebrations from a man who should really know better and the atmosphere started heating up.

            In the Trevor Brooking Lower, there are a number of what I would call ticking timebombs. Old fellows who lived through the dark days of the 70s, in black bomber jackets and lengthy trenchcoats. There are winks and nods to security guards. Everyone seems to know each other except me and there is a feeling that the place could erupt at any minute and it did as soon as the penalty hit the back of the net. The West Ham faithful launched themselves towards the Prawn sandwich brigade with ferocity, shoes were being waved in the air, police were panicking – I have no idea about the shoes by the way, however it was carnage.

            The Chelsea travelling fans replied with the affluent nonchalance we have come to expect nowadays. Gone are the fiery encounters of the eighties and even nineties, the social divide now plain for all to see. It was like a doctor taking a blood sample from a patient, except in 2013 the patient is Chelsea and the sample is footballing passion.

            Anyway back to the action and Chelsea were well in control. The way they passed and moved with confidence was sublime at times with Oscar and Hazard proving the hub of the majority of their attacks.

            West Ham were not without their chances too. A ball played into the box, landed in the melee and struck goalwards by Joe Cole, only to be whipped clear by the Chelsea defense.

            After 34 minutes another defensive lapse put the Blues 2-0 up. Calamity-a-game James Collins went sprinting to meet the sprightly Oscar, leaving himself woefully out of position and the defense vulnerable. Quite predictably, he was turned by the young star who headed goalwards and snuck a low drive into the bottom corner.

            2-0 down at home with little more than half an hour gone and Big Sam was prompted into action. A double substitution with Mo Diame and Modibo Maiga brought on in place of Jack Collison and Joe Cole. It was not a popular decision mind you, especially pulling off Cole, whose shirt was promptly ripped off and thrown somewhere in the vicinity of the subs bench. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’ rang around the ground as the fans turned on the manager whose insistence on the 4-6-0 had seemingly got us into this mess in the first place. Ho hum.

            It was clear that a lot of fans left at half time as West Ham started the second half slightly brighter but Chelsea having the better opportunities. Impressive, attacking moves resulted in Lampard nearly getting on the end of another Chelsea attack. It was coming.

            West Ham in fairness passed the ball better in the second half and did dominate periods of possession. Ravel picked out some lovely passes and wide balls, but once again up front we were toothless. At the risk of repeating myself once again, how can Kevin Nolan remain on the pitch when as the leader of our ‘attack’ he consistently fails to make an impression on the goal? It beggar’s belief. Maybe Big Sam’s sheer stubbornness will be the death of him, I fear anything but a win against Fulham and the big man is in a lot of trouble.

            Eventually, with 15 minutes to go, Big Sam relented and brought on Matt Jarvis for his ever-present leader. I was quite surprised to hear boos go around the ground when Nolan came off and only a spattering of handclaps also. Perhaps, the tide is seriously beginning to turn at Upton Park. Whilst reading the programme notes at half time, Nolan talks of his desire to lead the team out at the Olympic Stadium. This sent a shiver of harrowing fear down my spine as I read. God forbid!

            By this stage, I had seen enough and headed for the toilet, before the walk to the car. A thunderous roar came from above me as Lampard’s second and Chelsea’s third went in, I bolted for the cold East London air.

            In brighter news, I didn’t get a £65 parking ticket and managed to stick the car close to the A13 for a hasty exit. Also, I was petrified about the bitter cold on this London evening but this too was managed with aplomb by moi. Armed with my wife’s leggings as long johns and my daughter’s West Ham socks over mine, I felt relatively cosy whilst Chelsea pulled our pants down. Trev 1, Life 0.

            So, what next for West Ham United? It does seem that the penny has dropped for Big Sam regarding the striker situation. If the papers are to be believed the Irons are in for every aging striker across Europe, so in some respects that is a positive sign. The numerous other questions remain however. Why sign Carlton Cole and not play him? Was it a Sullivan signing? Why does one of our best players, Diame not start? When he does play why he is on the sodding wing? Why, oh why does Kevin Nolan continue to get the nod? Where is the fight in the dog?

            Next Saturday we host Fulham at home and this has truly become a must win game for the Irons.

Jussi 6

Doesn’t like coming out to crosses.

Demel 5

Has skill – but defensive error cost us

Tomkins 6

Solid

Collins 4

Groan. Another defensive lapse costs us

O’Brien 6

Fine

Downing 6

Lost of endeavour - very little cutting edge

Collison 5

Taken off after 40 minutes

Cole 6

Taken off after 40 minutes

Noble 6 (MOM)

Lots of endeavour – still playing well

Ravel 6

Picks a great pass – our best player but needs to pull the trigger more

Nolan 4

Good at chasing down the opposition keeper

Wherefore art thou Lukaku? Swansea 0 - 0 West Ham United

West Ham United started this game with the Premier League’s worst shot accuracy this season and that statistic will not have been improved by this trip to the Liberty Stadium.

A lively first half, where West Ham dominated and had a number of excellent chances,  ended 0-0 and how West Ham rued not putting at least one opportunity into the onion bag. Starting the game again, with the ‘false number 9,’ the Hammers were energetic and looked certain to open the scoring. One of the best chances fell to Guy Demel who stretched out a toe but couldn’t get any contact and poke the ball home.

But West Ham did not stop there; the ever-present Ravel Morrison had a shot cleared off the line, Demel had another good chance saved and Stewart Downing a shot blocked also. In total, West Ham had eleven attempts in the first half as opposed to Swansea City’s two.

The second half was a different affair with the Swans getting a stronger foothold in the game. West Ham’s stout defence limited the chances and all in all what started as a cracker of a game, petered out into a dour draw. Swansea dominated possession but could not break down Big Sam’s defensive system. Incidentally, West Ham have only conceded one away goal this season and that was Robbie Brady’s controversial penalty at Hull City.

The second half saw the long awaited return of Carlton Cole to the West Ham side. More importantly, it saw us playing with a striker which is more than pleasing to see for the West Ham faithful. However, his impact was minimal making a few important defensive headers but nothing really at the business end of the pitch.

Joe Cole came on and made a late appearance for Ravel Morrison and it was disappointing not to see more of him earlier on. The manager’s continual support of Kevin Nolan despite poor form and a plethora of midfield opportunities at his disposal, is not helping the goal scoring situation. Despite a dominant first half, Nolan was conspicuous by his absence, the only incident of note, where he took the ball off the feet of in-form Ravel Morrison, preventing the young man from pulling the trigger.

So, pleasing to see another clean sheet away from home, yet concern once again at our inability to finish chances. Had you have offered most West Ham fans a draw before the game, they probably would have taken it. But after our completely dominant first half, it was a different story, highlighting in glorious technicolor our need for an effective back up striker. It is important to mention the performance of Mark Noble who was magnificent. West Ham fans have known of his contributions for years now and I only hope tongues start to wag outside of East London, as he continues to impress week in, week out.

We once again mixed it against a very good side and we continue to show great promise. The defensive frailties of yesteryear are long gone  (think Reading’s 6 – 0 demolition in 2007), however the presiding feeling is that Big Sam’s inability to capture a big name striker in the summer has once again come back to haunt us. God only knows where we would be if Lukaku had moved to the Hammers, it doesn’t even bear thinking about.

Next week we entertain Aston Villa at the Boleyn Ground where nothing but 3 points will do for Big Sam’s men.

Jaskeleinen 7

Solid once again

Demel  7

Had a good game

Reid 8

Dominant in defence. Turning into a world class player

Tomkins 7

Could not be faulted

Rat 7

Looking solid at the back and good going forward

Noble 9

A flawless display. Does not get the credit he deserves

Morrison 6

Had one cleared off the line, but not his best game

Downing 6

Looking more effective with more games

Diame 6

Not his best game in claret and blue

Nolan 5

Poor – surely on borrowed time now

Vaz Te 5

Wrist injury forced him off

Carlton Cole 5

Good defensively – not many chances up top 

Matt Jarvis 6

Some good balls into the box

West Ham 2 Everton 3

A quite remarkable match ended (as it usually does) in favour of the Toffees, when these teams meet. Three goals and a sending off in 14 minutes saw the Hammers condemned to their second straight home defeat.
It was not all doom and gloom, West Ham started brightly and scored the opener via the gifted Ravel Morrison. Some intelligent and pacey wing play from Matt Jarvis, gave Ravel the time to tee up his shot before seeing it deflected and past the hapless Howard between the sticks. West Ham for large swathes of the first half were dominant and looked good for the lead. Had we any sort of attacking threat up front, we could have seen the lead doubled. As it is Maiga is an absolute waste of space and ever reliable Kevin Nolan is lacking form. Perhaps he misses his old buddy big Andy Carroll. Lets hope the bed wetting hasn't started up again.
The general consensus in the Trevor Brooking Lower was that we would most certainly take 1-0 at half time. We nullified the Everton attacking/counter-attacking threat and looked threatening ourselves; much better given two toothless performances on the bounce at Southampton and at home to Stoke.
However, there were rumblings and murmurings from the tunnel and lo and behold Martinez had only gone and done it. That's right guys, big Romelu Lukaka was making his way onto the pitch. Cue collective groan around the Boleyn. Ode to having a manager brave enough and forward thinking enough to make the necessary changes; changes that ultimately won them the game.
Everton proceeded on the attack (shock horror) and in some respects West Ham did well to nullify their threat in the most part. Mark my words, this Everton side are good. Very good. Barkley, Oviedo, Osman, Lukaku, Bloody Baines....the list goes on to their attacking threat and they will undoubtedly blow a few skirts up this year.
So the attacks come thick and fast and the West Ham defence are guilty of stepping off far too much. But it's ok because Ginger James Collins made up for that with a flying tackle just outside the area to fell new England prospect Gnarls Barkley. Shame young Gnarls didn't jump up and take it because every shot he seemed to have today flew into Row Z. So up steps Leighton Baines and pings it into Jussi’s right side top corner. 1 - 1.
The Boleyn crowd however remained upbeat; the sight of Maiga leaving the field helped this and on came Mladen Petric who started rather brightly. Now Maiga can learn a lot from the Croatian frontman. Chase the ball being the number 1 lesson. Secondly, being a striker, you can put a foot in. It is not going to damage your rainbow laces if you make the odd tackle. Just the odd one Modibo! Anyway Petric did just this, chased a ball towards the Bobby Moore Lower, challenged Howard, putting on enough pressure to win the ball back. He then looked up and picked out a perfect pass (these are all things I have never seen Maiga do - so excuse my surprise) to captain Kevin Nolan, who made his only important contribution of the game, falling over like a sack of spuds and earning the Irons a penalty. The fans were elated, we could not believe it. Up steps recently yellow-carded Mark Noble to very coolly slot it into the bottom left hand corner. 2-1 with 14 minutes to go.
One of the lads behind me said, 'I would give my left nut for that clock to be 10 minutes later.' Now my Father always taught me to never wish my life away but I had to agree with the tattooed young chap. How prophetic his words proved to be also. Everton attacked once more and Gnarls, despite his inability to shoot on target, was linking up well with Big Romelu. Having seen Gnarls flirting with the penalty area and knowing he is on a yellow card, Mark Noble flies in and brings the young lad down. Now it appears to me and the other thousand or so West Ham fans in our block that he had got the ball. It looked on Match of the Day like he had got the ball. I am not even going to mention the fact that his first booking was innocuous and not worth a card. I just won’t. So in his infinite wisdom and due to the fact he probably had Everton in his acca this morning, Lee Mason sends off Mark Noble. Bad times. Then we realised where the free kick had occurred. That’s right folks. Edge of area, bang in front.
I don't need to explain the rest because we all know what happened. The only difference was Baines went left side this time. Oh and pinged it off the inside of the post, just to take the mick a little more. Some early suggestions had been that Jussi could have moved quicker or was poorly positioned. Absolute drivel for me. There was no saving it. Even Batman wouldn't have got there in time.
So the end was nigh and the inevitability of what followed was clear. Everton poured forward and a pinpoint cross found the head of Lukaku who deserved one to be fair, found the back of the net, knocking himself out in the process.
Cue many a West Ham fan exiting the ground. I like a numpty decided to stay, to see the end and watch Ricardo Vaz Te miss a golden opportunity to head us a point. He must have been watching Gnarls as it ended up somewhere in Row Q of the Bobby Moore Stand.
Things to note. Petric is better than Maiga. To be honest, Big Sam is better than Maiga but Big Sam doesn't have the front to pick himself I suppose. I heard a few murmurs of folk saying that Maiga had 'won at least five good headers...lets be fair on him...' Really? Is that what it's come too? Anyone who watches West Ham regularly knows this season has been like playing with 10 men. I for one have lost my patience with Maiga and praise be, I reckon Big Sam has too. Carling Cup on Tuesday night, what is the harm in giving young Ellliot Lee a go? He can't be any worse.
Winston Reid was absolutely outstanding. He is so passionate for the club and team. When Baines second went in, he was screaming at the bench in sheer frustration. One can only assume that he aimed this at Noble, who should know better than to give away the free kick in that spot, especially when Lee Mason is around.
Ravel Morrison continues to develop and impress. He needs to keep his place when the big guns are back.
Kevin Nolan. Can we send him on compassionate leave? He is not the same player this year and I think the news that Carroll is out for a while has affected him.
Apart from the result and the referee, there were a lot of positives for the West Ham faithful as we did play well and dominated the game in patches. I am getting a bit hacked off with the constant praise of James Collins too. I swear that man has a howler a week and this time the free kick was a big one. It was a rash challenge and any defender should know better.
So it is not panic stations yet. We can still cling onto the coming of age of Ravel and a new player who looks lively upfront. However, next week's game against Hull becomes rather important as we have a tough run after that. We can all hope for a morale boosting win under the lights on Tuesday in the cup and then let the season start properly from that. I hate to say it but poor signings in the transfer window has got us into a little bit of a pickle. Let’s get behind the club and hope that the powers that be can pull us out also. Not to mention the odd referee decision going our way!

Jussi 7

Fine. Couldn’t do much about the goals

Rat 7

Held his own

Reid 9

Just outstanding

Collins 6

Solid despite his one howler a game

Joey O Brien  7

No problems

Morrison 8

Our best attacking threat

Diame 6

Ok. Got kicked about a bit

Noble 6

Difficult to rate. Shouldn’t have been sent off

Jarvis 6

Set up a goal but otherwise ineffective

Nolan 6

Nothing much to write home about

Maiga 4

Poor. Again.

Petric 7

Worked hard, largely earned the penalty

Ricardo Vaz Te 5

Did little. Missed a good chance

Taylor 5

Off the pace, Doesn’t cut it at this level.